A Tribute to Elizabeth Irene Rogers

I don't write or post blogs on a regular basis, just occasionally. And this is definitely the occasion for one. Back in the fall, my daughter Hannah and son-in-law Rick were delighted to discover that they were once again going to have a baby—their third! We celebrated with them. Not too many weeks into the pregnancy, an ultrasound showed the possibility of a child with a genetic disorder known as Trisomy 18, also called Edwards Syndrome. (While there are several sites giving more details, you can see the wikipedia article HERE.)

The short version is that many Trisomy 18 children do not live to term; those who are born don't usually live very long because of the many genetic challenges.

Rick and Hannah began to pray and to prepare. As part of the preparation, they decided to learn the baby's gender so they could name him—or her, as it turned out. We began to bond in a special way with Elizabeth Irene, not knowing if we would ever be able to meet her alive. Hundreds joined us in our praying. We were all blessed by the outpouring of love.

Later, a test showed negative for Trisomy 18, but we were also told it had a 20% false negative, meaning it shows there is no Trisomy 18 when there is. Given this news but also seeing the images on ultrasound, they—and all of us—began to plan for a special needs child. We were heartened to think that Elizabeth Irene might escape the terminal diagnosis of Trisomy 18.

Just a couple of weeks before a tentative date for a C-section, needed for Hannah's health as well as Elizabeth's, another test confirmed that Elizabeth did indeed have Edwards Syndrome. It was a heartbreaking reality. Rick and Hannah went back to their earlier research and made a plan, as there is more than one way to approach the birth of a child with Trisomy 18. One way is to try every extraordinary medical intervention possible, which may give some additional time with the child but would also keep the baby apart from her parents while she would be in NICU. Another option is to keep the baby with the parents and family and have as much time as possible before death comes, giving love and comfort as much as possible. Both options are chosen by loving parents; Rick and Hannah made the prayerful decision to choose the latter, providing only extra oxygen to help her with her breathing.

Elizabeth Irene was born by C-section on Friday, January 15. She was able to go to her family home on Sunday, January 17. She went to her heavenly home on Thursday, January 21. She lived for seven days, and those days were precious to us all. Her big brother Robert and big sister Olivia welcomed her but knew she was sick with a kind of sickness which meant her little body might not survive but that her soul would go to be with Jesus.

These seven days were full of exhilarating joy and excruciating pain for our family as we watched Elizabeth's life ebb slowly away. Toward the end, we prayed for the release of death; yet, when the moment came, fresh outpourings of tears flooded from our eyes. Elizabeth herself seemed comfortable for her time with us, and she was held by someone who loved her practically every moment of her life.

One truth that sustains those of us who are believers: death is no impediment to God's ability to save. What some see as hopeless, we see as an ultimate victory.

On Sunday, January 24, we had a Memorial Service for Elizabeth. I was honored to be asked to take the lead in the service. Here is what I had to say...

Memorial Service for Elizabeth Irene Rogers

Born, Friday, January 15, 2016

Died, Thursday, January 21, 2016

Service, Sunday, January 24, 2016

Hannah, Rick, the rest of our wonderful family, sacred friends: we have gathered here today for the memorial service for this precious little girl, Elizabeth Irene Rogers, who has graced our lives for such a short period of time but who has also touched so many of us so deeply. It’s hard to be here today. None of us want to be here.  So, what is it we have come to do? As I think of the purpose for a memorial service or a funeral service, I think of three main things we want to do as we gather. First, we want to somehow bring some measure of comfort to those who are most affected, to those who are grieving the most at the loss of a loved one. Second, we want to remember with joy the life of the one who has gone before us. Finally, we want to somehow put this thing called death in perspective through the eyes of faith. All three of these seem more challenging in situations like this one.

Comfort. What can we say? It is in times like these, when comfort is needed the most, that those of us who make a living with words realize the near bankruptcy of our craft. We want to somehow say things that will make things better, but the words often seem stilted or trite. We fear ending up like Job’s friends. Scripture says when they “heard about all the troubles that had come upon him”—including, as you recall, the death of his children—“they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.” They went to do what we have come to do. You may not recall, but they did a good job of it—for a while. “When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven day and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

Job’s friends did okay when they simply came and cried with him and for him. Their presence brought comfort. It is when they opened their mouths and tried to explain what they could not explain that they actually did the opposite of their stated purpose of comfort. We can learn from that. We often feel that we have to say something, and sometimes that something comes out as trite or silly or just plain wrong. Job’s friends told him that his suffering, his pain, his tragedy was sent by God. We know from Scripture that was not the case. While God allowed it, it was Satan who was responsible.

We often hear cries of pain from those who are grieving. The first question that leaps to their lips is “Why?” “Why, God? Why did you let this happen? Why didn’t you fix this?” We may question God’s wisdom and question God’s love for us. We may question if we want to follow Him. That’s natural coming out of a heart of pain.

We see it in Job. He cried out in pain, wishing he had never been born and questioning God’s kindness. At that point, Job’s friends felt the need to defend God. They went further than a defense of God—they accused Job of secret sin. “That’s why this happened, Job.”

Oh, if only his friends had let him cry out for a while! He needed to grieve. We need to take care when we want to comfort others. Here’s a good rule of thumb: when in doubt, be silent. Your presence for a few moments speaks loudly enough. Your simple words of love and sympathy and promises of prayers will suffice. Already, you have brought comfort to Rick and Hannah and all of us by your kind words, by your acts of kindness, by your food and flowers, by your presence here today. On behalf of Rick and Hannah, I say to all of you, thank you! Thank you for being true friends in what has to be the hardest thing parents will ever experience.

Rick and Hannah, I know both of you trust God; neither of you blame Him. I know you still wonder, though, why Elizabeth couldn’t have had more of a chance at life. And I just want you to know it’s okay to cry out to God in pain and even to question His care if that’s what you feel at a particular moment. He’s big enough to take it. Job wasn’t the only one who did such things. All through the Psalms we see devout men of God crying out to Him in their pain. Listen to some of David’s questions:

“Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?”

“How long, O Lord? Will your forget me forever? 
How long will you hide your face from me? 
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?”

Another Psalmist wrote this: Psalm 42.1-5 
As the deer pants for streams of water, 
so my soul pants for you, my God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. 
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night, 
while people say to me all day long,“Where is your God?”
These things I remember as I pour out my soul: 
how I used to go to the house of God 
under the protection of the Mighty One 
with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. 
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Listen, don't misunderstand me. I am not encouraging you to question God’s goodness or care. I am just giving you permission to cry out to Him in your pain when it comes. You see, unless you are honest with God and tell Him how you feel in your grief, He cannot as easily come to you with the comfort of His Spirit. I mean, if you are angry with me but don’t tell me, we can’t work through it. When you admit to God your questions and share with Him your pain, then He can better bring His healing to your heart. In each of the Psalms when we hear someone crying out in pain and even questioning God’s care, we see by the end, the Psalmist shares words of praise because God came and comforted them even as they questioned His care.

He will do the same for you, Rick and Hannah, and He will do so for all of us. Like Job, like David, like the others, we also cry out in pain when we see the unfairness of life. We weep when we see those like Elizabeth who die, in our estimation, way too soon, because of a cruel genetic disorder. We hate to see the darkness reign; we long for the pure light to shine. We long for a place where good is always done, where we are ever with our loved ones, where everything is made right.

While we affirm with Scripture that since we live in a fallen world, not everything that happens here is God’s will, that it is the thief who comes to kill, steal and destroy and Jesus came to bring life, life to the full, we likewise affirm the sovereignty of God—that He is able to do anything and everything that He desires.

And while we do not believe that everything that happens here is His will, we do believe—strongly—that everything is in His hands. That’s why Job was able to say, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the Name of the Lord.” Even though we are told in Scripture that Satan was the one who was responsible for Job’s suffering under God’s permission, Job was concentrating on the sovereignty of God. And there is no better place for us to leave Elizabeth than in the sovereign and loving hands of our God.

In Romans 8.28, we see one of the greatest promises of Scripture: “And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” It doesn't say that all things are good. But God is so strong that He can turn these seemingly senseless things into good here, even before we are perfected in heaven. I hear some say, “Well, everything happens for a reason.” I prefer to say: “God puts reason in everything that happens.” In other words, so much senseless and terrible suffering comes our way in this fallen world, things that God did not plan in His heart, but He says, “I will not let this happen without redeeming it! I am strong and I am loving, and I will bring good out of this bad for those who love me.”

What good could possibly come out of the death of Elizabeth? God has already brought a close-knit family closer still. He has used this time to show His love to each of us from the churches of which we are a part. We may better understand what the Bible calls “the fellowship of His suffering.” He reminds us again that we are not the masters of our fate. We need to know that. For me, I know that in the last few days He has given me a new capacity for tenderness and compassion for the weak and fragile. Only in the days and years ahead will we be able to see all the good God will bring, so let’s look for His hand as He works in our lives.

Comfort. God is the God of all comfort; He will bring care. He has not forgotten us.

In The Magician’s Nephew, one of the stories in the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, the little boy named Digory hurts because his mother is sick and seems to be at the point of death. The Great Lion Aslan, the figure of Jesus in these stories, gives Digory the responsibility to right a wrong he has committed. Digory has tears in his eyes as he thinks of his mother and pleads for something to cure her. Here’s what it says as we pick up the story:

Up till then [Digory] had been looking at the Lion’s great feet and the huge claws on them; now, in his despair, he looked up at its face. What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion’s eyes. They were such big, bright tears compared with Digory’s own that for a moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his Mother than he was himself. [from The Magician’s Nephew]

Yes, Jesus weeps with us in this loss. God cares for us in our trials. He comes to us with His Spirit, but remember: He will often use others to be His hands, His hugs, and His voice. And let us all remember that often times the hands and hugs of God are what are needed more than anything else at the moment.

So, Rick and Hannah, let me say on behalf of your family and friends, we want to be there for you in your grief. If you want to talk, we can just listen. If you need to lash out at the injustice in the world, it is safe to do so with us. If you want to cry, we will cry with you. If you want to ask us anything, we are glad to talk or to simply perform simple tasks that may help you. If you just need to lay aside your grief for a while and laugh and talk about everyday life, we are with you. Feel free to tell us. We love you and can only imagine the depth of your pain. And I want you to know that you have already comforted us.

Hannah, when your mother and I were having you and the rest of our kids, we decided to go “old school” and not find out before birth whether any of you were a boy or a girl. People would often ask, “Is it a boy or a girl?” Sometimes, I would say, “Yes, it is.” Most times, I would just say, “We want to be surprised.” And it’s amazing how many times a person would respond, “Oh, you don’t care, huh, as long as the baby’s healthy?” I was a bit bothered by that. I finally began to say, “Well, as much as we want a healthy baby, we will be glad even if the baby is not healthy.” While mom and I were blessed with pretty good health with all our children, Hannah and Rick, you have shown us how to be loving and brave and careful and thoughtful even when a child is not healthy. I know that wasn't your goal. You weren’t putting on a show. You were concentrating on Elizabeth. But as you have walked with Jesus and sought His wisdom, you have been models for all of us who have seen you and the way you first prepared for a Trisomy 18 child and then prepared for a child with special needs when you were told it wasn’t Trisomy 18 and then tried to wrap your heads around the return to that diagnosis in the final weeks of pregnancy. You two have acted with such grace and courage under pressure that you have comforted the rest of us simply in the way you have lived your lives in Christ. Thank you.

Elizabeth Irene Rogers lived just about nine months, most of that time inside her mother’s womb. She spent just seven short days with us after birth. She worked hard for six full days, and on the seventh day she entered rest. Seven short days—yet she has made a permanent and indelible mark on all of us who have known her.

What was she like? She was like a fragile flower. Each of us wanted to be so careful as we held her lest she break. She was humble, rarely crying out for anything. She was content to simply be there with her family, cradled in the arms of mom or dad.

In the few days we knew her, it turned out that she was a thief or sorts—she stole the heart of every single person who ever met her—and hundreds, maybe thousands of those who only saw her beautiful images on the screens of their computers, tablets, and phones. She had a beautiful little face—and when she opened those eyes—how we loved it when they seemed to meet our own! Her precious little hands, not perfectly made according to our expectations of human anatomy, endeared her to us even more. How sweet it was to feel her grasp when you placed your finger in her hand.

The main thing I want us all to remember about Elizabeth Irene Rogers is that she was, for her entire life, comfortable. Her mom and dad, especially, but also her grandparents, her siblings, her aunts, and friends of the family handled her so gently and tenderly; she was constantly comforted. There was rarely a moment—literally only when being changed—when she was not being held—held by someone who loved her. Her mother wrapped her up, skin to skin, so that their hearts might beat together in unison. Her dad held her for hours, and the rest of us had to get in line to have our turn. She was given opportunities for milk and sugar water and pacifiers. Her little lips were kept moistened. Our hearts were broken for her, but precious little Elizabeth was kept comfortable, and as much as we would have liked to have done more, that was the best that could be done, and that was what Elizabeth needed most in her short time with us—the comfort of love.

Elizabeth got to go to her home. Her brother Robert and sister Olivia were able to hug her and kiss her and hold her—and what a wonderful memory of Mom and her sisters and others watching Beauty and the Beast together while Olivia held mommy’s baby. Robert and Olivia welcomed her with arms open wide.

Yes, she got to go home—to her earthly home—for a few short days, and now she is really home, home in heaven with our Lord Jesus, for she is in the capable hands of our loving and merciful God. Jesus, when infants were brought to Him, said, "Let the children come to Me." The Bible doesn’t speak a lot about the deaths of infants. What we read is reassuring. King David spoke of how he would go to his son who had died. We see that God once took the life of a child of the royal line to spare him from suffering the judgment of the rest of his family. Paul writes in Romans how “where there is no law, there is no transgression,” that we could explore as it applies here. But I don’t really have to look any further than the character and the grace of our God that is revealed on every page of Scripture. We could not be more confident that little Elizabeth is in heaven! She is there because of the manifold grace of God.

Oh, how empty our words of comfort would be if there were no heaven! The grief of parting would be forever, for we would be without hope.

It is interesting. I have seen tragedies drive people away from God and I have seen tragedies draw people closer to God. The ones who flee from God might say something like, “I can’t love a God that would allow something like this to happen.” I understand their pain, but I also feel sorry for them.
I am reminded of the time Jesus brought an extremely difficult teaching about embracing Him fully as the Bread of Life. It says that some turned away from following Him because they could not accept this teaching. Jesus, saddened, I think, that some turned away from the truth, asked the Twelve, “You don’t want to go away, too, do you?” Simon Peter, so often one who put his foot in his mouth, hit a home run on this occasion with his answer. “To whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

As we seek to put death in perspective, we would be wise to pay attention. Tragedies and what we see as the unfairness of life may tempt us not only to lash out at God but to abandon Him. We may not always be happy that He didn’t come through as we thought He should or hoped He would, but who else is there to run to? There is no one else. Only Jesus has the words of eternal life. Listen to these...

John 14.1-6
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

These are familiar words. But did you catch what Jesus said about the reality of eternal life? “If it were not so, I would have told you.” Jesus is the Truth and loves the truth and tells the truth. If this life was all there is, it would be sad, but He would have told us. If we were going to ultimately be joined together in some impersonal life force, He would have told us. But here it is: there is a loving Father who wants us all to live together with Him forever. He is gathering us to Himself. It is so. He has told us, and He would never lie to us.

We live right now in a fallen world, a world that so much of the time does not go according to God’s original plan, and that’s why we see such things as what has happened to Elizabeth. I have already mentioned that we cry out in pain when we see the unfairness of life. We weep with sorrow when death separates us from those we love. We long for a place where good is always done, we long for a place where we are ever with our loved ones, we long for a place where everything is made right. But what we are longing for is not to be found here, no matter how far or how long we look, because what we are longing for is not of this world. What we are longing for is the restoration of God’s original purpose in creation, for that still lives in our hearts. What we are longing for… is heaven.
Listen to what the Apostle Paul wrote about our sufferings:

Romans 8.18-25
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 

Yes, we live in a fallen world, and that’s why we see pain and suffering. While God allows it, He is not the author of it. He will put an end to it one day; until that time, we endure it as patiently as we can while God, in His mercy, allows others to put their faith in Jesus; He is giving them the opportunity to be saved along with us.

Until then, we rest in the truth that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him. He is working to bring good out of this pain. Let Him! We must not let Elizabeth’s death be in vain or our suffering fail to contribute to our personal growth. Let us love God more and let us love each other more because Elizabeth has touched our lives and taught us to love at an entirely deeper level. Let us be reminded that just as she lived a short life, so do each of us. Let us remember as believers that we are all aliens and strangers here, that this is not our home, and that we are just passing through. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, and let us expect to see Elizabeth again!

Let's close with a vision of the restoration, of what God in His grace has in store for his people, those who through His grace place their faith in Jesus…

Revelation 21.1-5
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Amen! Our hearts have been continually breaking in these last days, but God has been continually knitting them back together again with His Spirit and His Word, and each time He puts them back together, He makes them a little bigger. And while we grieve today, one day we will grieve no more because of the loving-kindness of God. Let's praise Him today, for blessed is the Name of Jesus, our sovereign Lord!

A Tribute to PaJack

Today is the second anniversary of the death of my father-in-law, Jack Conner. The following is the funeral message from his service:

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Funeral Message

Julius Jackson “Jack” Conner

Died, Saturday, October 17, 2009

Service, Monday, October 19, 2009

Charles Dickens wrote a novel called “A Tale of Two Cities.” It begins, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” The book contrasts the cities of London and Paris during the excesses in the early years of the French revolution. As I reflect on the life of my father-in-law, Jack Conner, it could be entitled “A Tale of Two Men.” Yes, two men, but both of them named Jack Conner.

I will not dwell on the first Jack; indeed, I never met him. Suffice it to say that Jack in many ways had a rough and tough upbringing. He was raised in an environment where he often experienced harshness and anger. When he grew up, he wanted to break that cycle and tried hard to do so, and there were many good things about him, but like so many who grow up under harshness and anger, he himself could often be harsh and angry.

He was a good provider and he cared about his family and they had some good times together, but they also had to take the brunt of his anger when it flared. I have never talked with Paul about it, but Cindy says she also was prone to the characteristics of harshness and anger that seemed to come down from generation to generation, and since she and Jack were both stubborn people, they often locked horns and their relationship was poor. When Jack talked about this time in his life, he would say that he went to church but he did not have a real relationship with Jesus Christ.

About 30 years ago, there was a pastor at Log Cabin Baptist Church named Rodney Shamblin who took a personal interest in Jack. He took Jack as part of a group to a Bible Conference in Texas. While there, one message in particular touched Jack’s heart and one verse in particular stuck in his mind forever. In John 15, Jesus said, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go out and bear much fruit.” Jack realized this was true on several levels. Though a church-goer, he had indeed never truly chosen Jesus. And he realized from the movement of the Spirit of God in his heart that God was choosing him now. He realized that he needed to choose God back, giving his life to him, so he could know him and that he could begin to also bear some of the fruit that Jesus had appointed for him. At that same time, the Gaithers released a simple little song that profoundly impacted Jack. The chorus said,

I am loved, I am loved, I can risk loving you,
For the one who knows me best loves me most.
I am loved, you are loved, won’t you please take my hand?
We are free to love each other, we are loved.

That song epitomizes the freedom that Jesus gives us. He knows all about us—and loves us anyway. We can therefore love others, too. Jack was changed from that time. We see the new Jack. From then on, we saw “the best of times.” Again, it was not that there were no good times before. He didn’t become perfect after. But the focus of his life was changed.

One of my favorite Christian authors is C.S. Lewis, and, strangely enough, I get as much out of his series of children’s books, The Chronicles of Narnia, as anything else he has written. And I am reminded about one scene in particular from the book called The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. In it, a boy named Eustace who had been a real pain turns into a dragon, and the great Lion Aslan, who is the picture of Jesus in these books, reaches deep into the dragon skin and restores Eustace to what he should be. Lewis writes these words:

“It would be nice, and fairly near true, to say that ‘from that time forth Eustace was a different boy.’ To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun.”

It was the same with Jack at that juncture about 30 years ago. The cure had begun! There was a new Jack—and it was this new Jack, this changed man, that I met not long after this when I started dating Cindy. A man who was committed to Jesus Christ and desired in his life to “bear much fruit.”

Let me tell you a little bit about the best of Jack. I think that we can define people by their loves. Let me share some of Jack’s loves with you.

First, he loved his country. He spent four years in the Navy that included a tour in Korea. Like so many others, he did his part to defend the freedoms we enjoy. For his first career, he stayed in the military, serving in the 202nd Squadron, Air Force National Guard in Warner Robins for 35 years, achieving the rank of Master Sergeant. He was a patriot in every sense of the word.

Jack loved his church. As he dedicated himself to the Lord, he naturally dedicated himself to the bride of Christ, the church. Both at Log Cabin and later on here at Lawrence Drive, he served as a deacon and took the service of that task seriously. He was not looking for prestige; he was seeking to “bear much fruit.” He was so excited to see what God was doing here. Brad, he loved your heart for the lost, and he was excited to be a part of outreach efforts. He was glad to follow your lead, and he did it with enthusiasm. Jack was a supporter of pastors, and that blesses me, because I love people who support their pastors even when we show ourselves to be most human. He had told us in the past year how he loved being part of a Bible study with young men in a way that allowed him to mentor them.

Jack loved his family. Of course, that started with his wife, Vivian. Tomorrow is their anniversary, and had he lived a few more days they would have celebrated 52 years together. Many of you helped us celebrate their fiftieth a couple of years ago just down the street.

In the hospital room the other night, one of the grandchildren asked Vivian what had attracted her to Jack. She smiled and said, “I loved seeing him in his military uniform. He looked good in his navy whites!” Vivian realizes with gratitude how Jack has provided for her for the past 52 years. In fact, this past Friday morning while he was in the hospital bed and they were speaking frankly about going to hospice, I heard her tell him how thankful she was that she had been taken care of in the past and that she has no worries about the future because he has made sure she would be taken care of after his death. She is grateful for his preparation.

Jack and Vivian have enjoyed many wonderful trips together in the past few years. They have gone to Alaska, Hawaii, a western tour that included the Grand Canyon, Canada, and just a few weeks ago they went on a tour bus to New England.

His love for family also included his children, his grandchildren, his siblings, and his siblings-in-law, if that’s a word.

Paul speaks with fondness of his years growing up when his dad taught him a love for the outdoors. He loved the father-son times they shared gong fishing and camping together. Jack also was a Little League baseball coach. He also kept dogs, and he and Paul would go quail hunting and enjoy other kinds of hunting as well. The memories are so special that, once again, Paul and Jack were recounting them in the last week.

For Cindy and me, we could not have asked for any more support in our marriage and in our family. No one could have been a better grandfather to our children. If you have internet and became friends with our children, you would see all kinds of tributes they have shared about their PaJack.

He took them fishing. He and Vivian took them on special trips. They would often come over to watch them play sports. They have been supported every time they were in a play or any other activity. He would even laugh at their jokes.

Cindy and I have been married for 28 years, and our family has vacationed with PaJack and Memaw at least 25 of those years. We have gone to St. Simons, Panama City, Disney and other places, but most often we have gone to St. Augustine. Jack always pays the lion’s share of those trips. Now, Jack has also always been careful with money, but he has always been kind and generous to his children and grandchildren. Every time we would go out to eat, he would pick up the tab—well, at least until the last few years when Cindy insisted that I quit being a cheapskate. So I have reluctantly pretended to be magnanimous a couple of times, though he was willing to pay and I was willing to let him.

Paul was reminding me last night how special PaJack considered the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas. In his words, “Daddy glowed at Christmas when everyone was together.” And he did. Whether opening presents, just hanging out, or cooking and eating our traditional Prime Rib, Christmas was extra special with PaJack.

Jack was considered a loving, caring brother and brother-in-law, and I could go on and on because I witnessed all of this, but I will not.

Jesus loved his country, his church, and his family, and I think all of these illustrate the greatest love of his life: Jack loved the Lord.

Let me just make a few final observations that I hope will illustrate that.

Sometimes we may get skeptical about faith in Jesus. What I mean is, we sometimes begin to wonder if it really works. We see so many people who say they follow Jesus but we see scant evidence in their lives. But Jack, like so many others here today, is proof of the power of the gospel. It could be seen in his life that “the cure had begun” and that he was a changed man.

About 25 years ago—five years after Jesus chose Jack and Jack chose Jesus back—Cindy and I were living out in Texas and were students at seminary. Cindy wrote her dad a letter at that vantage point from having observed the changes for several years. She had likely forgotten all about it until they were looking through some of his papers yesterday. This letter must have meant a lot to Jack. He had kept it all these years.

Listen to it… [READ Cindy’s letter to Jack] [Note: I do not have the letter, but it was an encouragement and a tribute...]

I said this would be a tale of two men but really the same man. But in this I was mistaken. It is not just the tale of Jack. It is the tale of Jack and Jesus.

Jesus made a great difference in his life. What did that mean for Jack’s life?

It meant that people like you better and respect you more, as illustrated in Cindy’s letter.

It also means you like yourself better. You are more satisfied with who you are, because you are “bearing much fruit.”

And if that was all there was to it, it would be worth it. But there is so much more!

One of my favorite passages of Scripture in life is John 14. Let me read a bit.

Read John 14.1-6

Jesus, the son of a carpenter, has been preparing a place for us for the past 2000 years! And He wants us to be there with him. And Jack is with him now!

Jesus, who never once lied to us, said, “If it were not so, I would have told you.” He loved truth, and if all sinners, or sinners of a certain caliber were ineligible for heaven, he would have told us. If God had decided just to let us sink back into the dust, never to rise again, it would have been okay, but He would have told us. But He said, “I am going to prepare a place for you, so that where I am, there you may also be.”

And God the Father put a resounding affirmation on everything that Jesus said by raising Him from the dead. If Jesus had lied, even once, He would Himself have remained in the grave. God raised Him to give proof positive to all He said and did.

We miss Jack, but we are not grieving like those who don’t know Christ. We really believe that we will see him again. We really believe that heaven is an improvement.

Sometimes I hear people on a birthday, when others are kidding them about how old they are, how they have had yet another birthday, say something like, “I may be old, but it beats the alternative!” I am always puzzled when I hear a Christian say that. My Bible teaches me that heaven is a lot better than anything here on earth. (Rev. 20, 21)

The apostle Paul said it this way: “To live is Christ, and to die is GAIN.”

I saw a cartoon some time ago: A husband and wife in strolling arm in arm in heaven, in awe of the grandeur and beauty of it. The husband turns to his wife and says, “If you hadn’t made all those bran muffins, we could have been here ten years ago!”

Don’t miss the point. Keep making your bran muffins. Be as healthy as you can. Jack certainly worked on his body to make it as healthy as possible. But don’t fear death—at least, not if you believe in Jesus. While we would love for Jack to have been healthy for another 15 years, and while we will miss him and we will cry for him, we affirm a truth that is sometimes hard for the world to understand: Death is not that big a deal for the Christian. It is simply a doorway through which we move from one life to another life.

Let me close by reading from Romans 14:

"If we live, we live to the Lord; if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living" (Romans 14.8-9 NIV).

Jesus is our Lord, and He is ministering to us and comforting us in our sadness at Jack’s absence. But Jesus is also Jack’s Lord, and while He is ministering to us in our grief, He is welcoming Jack to his heavenly home with the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” For he has indeed fulfilled the desire of Jesus to “bear much fruit.”

Let’s pray.

An Open Letter to Lydia Marie Pitts

Dear Lydia Marie Pitts,

Most of the time, I call you Lydia (though often it is Hannah or Abigail or Rebekah first!), so I have addressed this with your full name with full knowledge it will be one of the last times I have the opportunity to do so. In less than a month, you will be married; before the summer is over, you will be living in Asia, if the Lord brings to fruition the plans you have made. I remember with joy the early years of your life; you were dedicated in worship on a Mother’s Day just two days after you were born on the way home from the hospital. (I don’t guess I will ever live that one down, letting your mom leave the hospital with her mom and dad and you while I was at the church building, preparing for the service.) I remember reading to you and Hannah after lunch while putting you down for your nap. I recall the “Dewey” stories we would often share at night and the times I would awaken to find you standing next to the bed, wanting to crawl in with us for a while.

As the years went by, there was ballet, softball, soccer, and music. More than anything else, I am excited and blessed to remember your decision early in life to follow Jesus. You always sensed a call toward missions, and we have tried to encourage that in whatever way God would make that more clear over time. He has now done so.

God has given us wonderful years together; this last year with your work here as a volunteer intern has been special. I have not only seen first hand more of how well you work with children; I have heard first hand from so many about how others see that as well. (So I know it is more than just father-bias!) The next months will bring so many changes—your upcoming wedding, your move to Asia, your likely absence at Thanksgiving and Christmas, your next birthday being celebrated by Skype. On the upside, there will be a clean room and one less car for insurance. But, as cheap as I am, I would rather have you. Not only as your father but also on behalf of this church you have served so well I say to you, “Thanks for sharing your gifts with us this past year as an intern!”

Go with God, Lydia. We love you.

Dad

Off to College

It's raining outside. It matches my mood.

I did really well today helping Rebekah, my fourth child (and fourth daughter), move into her dorm at a school a little over a hundred miles away. We exchanged pleasant words, meaningful hugs, prayers, and some last minute words of wisdom. I wasn't really sad.

Until I left.

Cindy and Lydia and Memaw stayed a couple of hours longer than Fred O and I did, and not long after we pulled out, Lydia sent me a text: "Beks cried when you left. Just to let you know."

It began to hit me right about that point.

I called Bekah a little later and had a brief conversation.

The worst thing, though, was walking into her room at the house. Now, it really wasn't the room itself, because we just moved into another house three months ago. Another thing that made it different: it was clean!

No, it was the symbolism of the room being empty!

It was then that tears began to well up in my eyes. They continue to well up, even as I type. I am glad Rebekah gets to go off to college, and I know that it will be a terrific adventure in life for her--a bend in the road--and I am happy for her. However, tonight I am sad for me. I miss you already, Rebekah. I love you so much.

Both Rebekah and Lydia performed Thursday night at our church fellowship hall. Lydia, who just graduated from Georgia State with a degree in creative writing, read a story she had written for a class. While fiction, it included a lot of true things from our family. It was wonderful.

Rebekah repeated her senior project in drama and music from Artios Academies. It too was wonderful. At the end, I presented to her a diploma from our home school, and I gave her a little booklet I made for her, "Dad's Instruction Book for College." She was excited to receive it. In it, I gave her about 20 statements of "wisdom," some serious, some hoping to be humorous. I ended with a sum up statement: "Obey God. (Out of your love for Him.)"

I think she will. I am proud of her and all of my children.

But tonight, I am especially missing Rebekah.

A Trip Back Home

Today is my dad's birthday. He is 79 years old. (His grandson Andy--my nephew--also shares the birthday and is 30 today.) I drove down to Thomaston this morning to say "Happy Birthday" to my dad. He was at his long time place of business--He still goes in daily and works--as I expected. My brother Stan and sister Debbie and nephew Andy were there when I arrived. Debbie had made some peach ice cream for the occasion, and they were all enjoying it as I came in. Other family members and friends were in and out during the day, and it was a good visit.

Lately, whenever I visit my hometown, I get a bit nostalgic. I think back to all the great memories I had growing up. I realize what I miss by not being around my larger family. (Read a couple of posts back to understand how important my own family is to me.) I am the only one of my siblings who has moved away from home. (Marsha, my other sister who I missed by a few minutes today, did move a couple of years ago--a whole 20 miles away!) I was excited start the adventure of life when high school was over and never regretted moving to Atlanta to attend Georgia Tech. Living in California for a year after graduation doing some mission work was a wonderful experience. Even living in Texas for a few years while in seminary was palatable. (If you ever wonder why Texans think Texas is so great, it's because the state is so large they have never been out of it.)

It was a blessing to be able to move back to Georgia after graduation (we prayerfully considered heading out to California) to start a church. We have lived in three places in Georgia, and we are closest to Thomaston now--90 miles, which is not bad at all, but being a pastor is not conducive to a lot of weekend travel! I actually once had the opportunity to move back to Thomaston as a pastor, but didn't in the end. Even reflecting on that, I believe it was the right decision, and we love where we are--Atlanta feels like home to us--but I am simply reporting that I am at the age when the scent of nostalgia has become a strong and pleasing aroma when I drive into town.

For instance, I worked for several summers for my dad, and going into the back of the building brings back a lot of memories--not all good, since some involved actual labor! Driving around the town square or going into the church where I grew up (my mom works there) or driving by places I attended school or played ball or where I lived, brings back good memories and even a healthy sense of melancholy.

My sister Debbie had compiled a group of stories from my Dad's lifetime--mostly his childhood--and presented him and the rest of us a copy today. She did a great job with it and hopes it encourages some of the rest of us to add to it.

Dad is leaving for Florida tomorrow, going to Daytona, where we always went for vacation when I was young. So in our reminiscing today, we thought back to "The Hacienda," the motel we stayed in all those years (which was torn down for a larger hotel or condos years ago), the Inlet Harbor, and he even brought up the volleyball game with the girls again. (Ask me about that later.)

I even ate a Piggy Park today. It was one of the few times since "the incident" when I was a senior in high school. Piggie Park is a drive-in--kind of like Sonic, but a local affair. I can't tell you how many grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate milks I had there as a youngster. Today I got a hamburger, and how good it was. Their hamburgers are scrambled, and they have a sauce that mixes ketchup and mustard together, and it wasn't just good--it brought back other good memories of years gone by.

"The incident" was a rather humorous affair. I had a CB (Citizen's Band) radio in my car as a teenager, and one day I pulled into Piggy Park with my two good friends, Dennis and Tommy. After we pushed the botton on the speaker and received the familiar, "Take your order, please?" we ordered our food. I was parked near the kitchen, and I began to talk on my CB. We discovered, with our windows down, that our transmission was "bleeding over" to the nearby speakers. In other words, you could hear our voices coming out of some of the drive-in speakers when we talked into the CB. Tommy saw a girl in a car nearby and had an idea. He said, "Hey, Carla!" into the microphone. Sure enough, she could hear him but thought it originated from Piggy Park, not a car nearby. So she started waving. Tommy then took it a step further. "I can't hear you unless you push the button." So she did. And what did she hear? "Take your order, please?"

As other cars drove in, we made mischievous use of our newly discovered powers. As soon as someone pulled up, one of us would say, "Take your order, please?"

After a few minutes, we began to notice people in the kitchen--the walls were glass so they could see out--looking intently at each car. We began to play it cool--and sweat--all at the same time. I began to think it was time to leave, and was about it do so, when the owner's son, a few years older than me who lived right around the corner from us so we knew each other, came out the door and to the car. He kept his cool pretty much but was pretty perturbed at us. It was then that we discovered that the "bleeding over" of our transmissions was not limited to just a few parking spaces--they were going out over the whole system to every car!

David (the owner's son) said, "Fred, you may come here several times a week, but we've got a real problem here. We ask people for their order and they are saying, "I've already given you my order ten times!" (I may have left out a few colorful words in that last sentence.)

Needless to say, we were repentant and thought we had gotten away with a mild consequence. That is, we thought that until we got home. When I dropped off Dennis, his mother had already been contacted. So had my parents. Their consequences were a bit more substantial than just a talking to, though nothing that left permanent scarring.

The ironic thing is that David knew both Dennis and me and called our parents. He didn't know Tommy, who did about 75% of the talking. It was another one of those occasions when I learned that any time I did something wrong, I would get caught! (And I learned that sometimes people who did the most would get away with it!)

See--who wouldn't get nostalgic about home when you have such wonderful memories as these?

Happy Birthday, Dad! The members of the "prodigal" family up in Atlanta all say, "We love you!"

A Father's Reflections

King David wrote many words that have ministered to the souls of countless people over the centuries--some of my favorites are found in Psalm 1, 19, 23, 32, 51, and 103, to name a few off the top of my head--but one phrase that has come to mean more and more to me in the past few months is a simple verse that resonates deeply in my soul because I have come to realize just how closely I identify with it. It comes from Psalm 16:

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
Surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I can imagine David looking out from his palace, knowing that he was king of all that his eyes could survey--and more--and becoming overcome with gratitude as he thought back to how he had been blessed by God as he considered his beginnings as a simple shepherd boy.

While I don't possess silver or gold nor will I ever know what it is like to be the leader of great multitudes, still I share with David the sentiment, when I pause to consider my half century sojourn here: "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places."

I look back over the 27 years Cindy and I have been married and the way she has always been such an enhancement to my life and ministry. I think of the dreams she was willing to put aside to become a pastor's wife and the stay-at-home mother of five children. When I think of all of the volunteer work that she has put in at the churches where I have pastored and the credit I have received for her work, I can only say, "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places."

When I think of the five beautiful children God has given us and the life we have lived, I am truly blessed. Making the decision to home school our children helped give our family more time together than we would have otherwise had. Thinking back to Fridays--when I was off from work and we could do projects or go on "field trips"--a multitude of memories flood my mind and warm my heart. Likewise, I can still hear in my memory today the giggles of girls hiding from their father at lunchtime and the plea to "sleep with me for one mo mo minute"; I can recall the delight of reading books at night and saying good night prayers. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.

Just weeks ago we went on our usual trek to St. Augustine for vacation. The whole family was there--the seven of us plus our wonderful son-in-law and Cindy's always generous parents. For some, ten family members together for an entire week is a recipe for disaster; for us, it was a delightful time of rest and relaxation. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.

As Father's Day approaches, I cannot but be moved again by the love and devotion of these five--er, six--Hannah, Lydia, Abigail, Rebekah, Fred O, and son-in-law, Rick. Hannah never lets a Sunday go by without telling me how much she enjoyed my sermon. (So, yes, there are times when a "little white lie" is appreciated, though she is adamant that she is telling the truth.) Just this past week, her husband Rick called me to ask how I might answer someone who asked certain questions about faith in God. He is a serious and growing Christian. Lydia continues to mature and plans to attend seminary when she completes her final year of college. She often engages me, too, in discussions about faith. Abigail still confides in me what is going on in her life and asks for my counsel about many different areas of life. Rebekah has such patience with me even though she is 17 and doesn't have a car of her own to drive. She is very respectful, even when I say no to a request. Fred O still will hang out with me and doesn't mind telling me he loves me even when others are around--and he turned 15 this year. These are just small tidbits of what I could write about my family. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.

Although I may some days wish that I had more to provide for my children, I truly believe that faith in Jesus is the most important thing to give them. As I pastor, I have taught it to others. As a dad, together with Mom, we have let it be more than religious talk. As I have said before, I can say again, for it is still true today--and I hope it will continue--all of my children today are walking with and following Jesus. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places.

While I hope that one day I will have something to leave to my children, the truth is, they are already an inheritance to me that I enjoy every day of my life.

Yes, David spoke for me when he praised the Lord. I could not improve on it at all:

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
Surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I praise the Lord for His wonderful blessing to me, particularly this wonderful family!

Hannah's Graduation Day

Hannah Eve Pitts (now Hannah Pitts Rogers) was born on the day of Georgia Tech's Homecoming in 1985. (We had tickets to the game but oddly enough did not use them.) As a good Yellow Jacket, I had her mother "dress her in white in gold," and she has been on the campus for the past few years. (She moved into her first house with husband Rick just a couple of weeks ago--see "Melancholy Moments" post.)

Today, she graduates with High Honors with a Bachelor of Science in Mechanical Engineering. We are having a brunch for her this morning followed by graduation exercises this afternoon.

How proud we are of you, Hannah! Congratulations! We love you and Rick.

By the way, reality hits quickly. Hannah begins her new job on Monday!

We thank God for His work in the lives of our family.

A Family Funeral

My dad's brother--my Uncle Cooke--died late last week. Though he lived in Macon, he died while visiting his daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren out in California. Uncle Cooke was 82 years old but had been in good health. He would not have been the next "expected" death in the family. (My dad was the last of nine children; there are now five left--three "boys," including my dad, and the two sisters.)

Uncle Cooke was a fun man and full of life. My dad says he had more "life" than anybody else in the family. He was kind and generous, checking on his sisters every day by phone and bringing some kind of gift to those he visited, even if nothing more than an apple. His three granddaughters spoke at the funeral, and they gave a wonderful glimpse of his life.

Uncle Cooke was in WWII, and he once was hit by a ricochet. The bullet entered through his face and lodged in his brain. Being a ricochet, it went in straight up and down rather than nose first. That likely saved him. They tried on an occasion or two to remove the bullet, but they were unsuccessful. He would not let them try again. That bullet was in his brain for over 60 years!

This interesting story becomes more interesting. My granny was sleeping one night while she had sons serving in the armed forced during the war when she awakened suddenly. She said she knew that Cooke had been shot. My granny was as devout a believer as I have ever known, but she was not given to visions and dreams and the like. Yet, on this occasion, she was sure that Cooke had been shot. And he had been! How or why this occurred is a mystery, but it resulted in many more prayers being sent up in his behalf.

However, I really didn't write this to reminisce about Uncle Cooke. I wrote to think about family. My wife Cindy and I went to my home town for the funeral, and it was nice to see this family reunion. It is amazing how reconizable most people still are, even if you haven't seen them for twenty or thirty years. It is also amazing the way the family resemblances seem to become more pronounced as time goes by. You can see a feature from Granny or Papa in this person or that, and resemblances among cousins, never noted before, stand out in a startling fashion.

The generation ahead--my dad and his siblings and spouses--look so much like they did before, but there is a change. Where there once was great strength, there is now the hint of frailty. Their faces now have added lines and creases. Of course, they range is age from 78 to 90, so you would expect this. But seeing them all together on an occasion like this at once gives a greater appreciation for family and reminds us of the mortality of us all. We all will go the way of Uncle Cooke. More funerals will follow.

Many Christians today focus more on what Jesus can do for us here on earth than what happens after. Part of this is the result of the pendulum swing to the opposite extreme from what use to be a promise to low wage workers of "pie in the sky by and by" for being taken advantage of by unscrupulous and harsh bosses in years gone by; there was a correction to more of an emphasis on the abundant life here. Like many corrections, it has gone too far. No matter how great life in Christ is here, heaven will be better. Another reason, perhaps, we don't focus on heaven anymore: We are afraid of death. Might that be because we aren't as sure in our faith as we ought to be?

Death was once seen as natural and inevitable; medical advances have led us to the illusion that eternal life is nothing more than longer, healthier lives here. But though we may delay it, we cannot prevent it. Death is coming. But we no longer need to fear it. We can, with Paul, mock death: "O Death, where is thy sting?" At least, those who know Jesus can. As Paul goes on: "Thanks be to God! We have the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

I will see Uncle Cooke again. I will see Granny and Papa again. I will be reunited one day with all who share faith in Jesus. This isn't merely wishful thinking. It is an assured hope, proven to those who seek by much evidence, the greatest of which is the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ.

A Melancholy Moment

Today we helped move our daughter Hannah and son-in-law Rick into their new house in Marietta. My firstborn and her husband closed on their first house last week. He graduated from Georgia Tech in August 2006; she graduates in December. She is going to be working for the same company where he has been working since graduation. It's in the Marietta/Kennesaw area, and their house is just two miles from their workplace. How proud I am for them, and how excited. The house is only 30 miles from where we live; in this day and age, it would be hard to ask for better. They plan to continue to spend Sundays with us in the short run, both for church and for Sunday lunch and fellowship. The amount of time we see them each week will not appreciably lessen, from all indications.

Still, today was a bit melancholy. Although Hannah left home five years ago to attend Georgia Tech (while the rest of us were living 150 miles away in Dublin, Georgia) and that was definitedly a "new chapter of life," and the wedding 15 months ago was another monumental change, there is something still the same about the family when a child is only "off at college." Their continuing to live at Tech in married housing kept that sense intact, I guess.

But their move to a house (and her in three weeks to a career) somehow solidified in my heart and mind today that we have indeed reached a new epoch, another "bend in the road." This is the end of one aspect of parenting, or more correctly, it is the beginning of the end for a phase of parenting since Cindy and I have four more to go.

So while I am so happy for Hannah and Rick and so excited about the house and so proud for them, I couldn't help but feel a little melancholy as I experienced the emotions today of the changes. This is one of our great goals in parenting, preparing our children for the time when they will truly be "on their own," establishing their own homes and households. That day has come, and we could not be happier for the way Jesus is working in their lives. We realize that the change is not a subtraction but an addition--they will still be part of our household!--but it is still a change. Memories flood back from childhood; she is now "grown and gone."

I can still remember the time in my life when I made the similar transition. Is it possible that I am old enough to be on the other end of it? Wow--time continues to march forward. And for those of you snickering that this is happening to me, a word of warning: it will happen to you MUCH quicker than you think!

It's My Birthday...It's My Birthday...

Fifty-one years ago--so long that I can barely remember--I was brought into this world, kicking and screaming! Things have gotten progressively better since that time. I think I am getting the hang of this "living" thing. I have lived through two parents, three siblings, twenty years of schooling (a slow learner, apparently), one marriage (The good news: we've been happily married for 22 years! The bad news: we've been married for 26 years!), four daughters, one son, one son-in-law, and three churches.

Not too bad, all in all.

I have been blessed beyond all measure. Not only do I have a family that tolerates me; they act like they actually love me! They even tell me so every day. Whether they are blind or merely good liars, I don't know, but I like it. It would be hard to have more wholesome pride in a family than I do in mine. Those of you who know me and my family know that this is not bluster--it's the absolute truth.

I am thankful to God for His many blessings. Besides the family, I have a church community who loves me and supports me. They are truly to me a community of faith, hope, and love. I have loads of wonderful friends and family members, many of whom have called or sent cards or emails to me today. A group of elderly gentlemen from our church took me to breakfast; one of my best friends from college days took me to the Varsity for lunch and even bought me a fried apple pie to make up for the lack of cake. My family is going to see the Braves on Thursday night.

Like everyone, I have periods of discouragement from time to time. There are some circumstances of life I would like to see improved. But I truthfully have to laugh at myself when I try to have too long a pity party, for I know deep down in my heart that I have been incredibly blessed.

Thanks, God. Thanks, family. Thanks, friends. Thanks, church. I am so rich because you have given me the treasures of your lives!

ConGRADulations, Abigail!

Well, it is amazing how quickly time flies. That is not only noted by how rarely I seem to get a blog post up, but more so by the fact that our middle of five children just graduated from high school! It seems like just yesterday when we brought her home from the hospital. I have so many memories of her growing up with her four siblings, and it is sobering to think we are "over the hump" as far as high school graduation is concerned.

Since Abigail has been homeschooled most of her life, we had a graduation ceremony at our church facility, just as we did for Lydia two years ago. Also like Lydia, the graduation was combined with a senior recital. Unlike Lydia, Abigail joined with one of her kindred spirit friends, Laura Stewart, to have a combined Senior Recital and Graduation Ceremony. They each did separate presentations and also did a scene from Shakespeare's The Tempest together. (It was during rehearsal for this scene some time ago that they really got to know each other.)

Both also had a video presentation featuring pictures from their lives. While a friend helped put Laura's together, Abigail's sister Lydia did hers, and it was very moving and celebrative. Mrs. Lori Lane of Artios Academy of Visual and Performing Arts, which was attended by both girls, shared words of encouragement. Each parent and each child briefly shared in the graduation ceremony as well.

Each of the others did an exceptional job in what they shared! It was a very meaningful time. While I unfortunately do not have the text of what others said, I do have my brief remarks as well as the blessing I gave to Abigail. Here it is:

Abigail Susan Pitts

Abigail is our third and middle child. The two before her were girls, and I was prepared for another—until the doctor began making predictions in the delivery room. “This one is bigger than your other two”—and, indeed, she was a full pound larger than any of the others at birth—“I think we have your linebacker here, Dad!” He began to feed that hope that there would be a boy one of these times, and so I perhaps had a momentary disappointment when the doctor himself exclaimed in surprise, “No, it’s a girl!”

Any momentary disappointment was soon quelled as Abigail quickly won my heart. The name Abigail means “a father’s joy,” and Abigail has certainly proven to be a joy, not only to me, but to all who know her. When she was very young, she slept on a top bunk, and every night she begged me to sleep with her for “one minute” at bedtime. I would climb and crawl over the railing to lay with her, and that minute would seem to go by very slowly. When I would raise my head to start to get out of the bed, Abigail would put her hand on top of head, push it back down, and say, “Just one mo-mo-minute, Daddy.”

While those minutes might have seemed to pass slowly then, they definitely picked up the pace. Those minutes turned into hours, the hours to days, and the days to weeks, months, and years. And so today Abigail stands here as an adult—a young adult, to be sure—but one who is ready to conquer the world. When I graduated from high school, I remember the excitement I had as I considered the adventure of moving to Atlanta to attend Georgia Tech. My mother once asked, “Aren’t you just a little bit sad about leaving?” Sure, there were things I would miss, but how could I be sad about embarking on a new adventure? Now, I have come full circle. Abigail is graduating, still seeking to know exactly what God has for her, and I find myself wanting to say, “Just one mo-mo-minute, Abigail, just one mo-mo-minute.”

Fortunately for us, like our other children, Abigail will in the short term at least still be in the Atlanta area. She has hopes and dreams, but they are still a little nebulous, not yet fully formed in all their specifics. But while you may not yet know all about it, Abigail, here is what God says to you:

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” [Jeremiah 29]

How can you make sure that you can also hear Him as He reveals His plans? Romans 12.2 says,

²Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Yes, God’s plan for you is good. It is pleasing—both to you and others. And it is perfect. Many don’t find it because they are too enthralled by the world, following its deceitful pattern. You will find it, though, Abigail, when you let God’s thoughts become your thoughts so that your life is truly changed into His image. You will seek Him and you will find Him when you seek Him with all your heart. And I know that is just what you are doing today. We are proud of you, we are thankful for you, and we are praying for you. Come forward today to receive your blessing.

May God bless you, Abigail Susan Pitts!

May you seek Him with all of your heart, and may He reveal His will and direct your paths.

May you continue to live up to your name! May you be a joy not only to your earthly father but, more importantly, to your heavenly Father!

Just as the Abigail mentioned in the Bible is described as a “beautiful and intelligent woman,” one who rescued her family by her quick thinking and gracious manner, may you also be known for your beautiful manner and your godly wisdom. May you beauty come first and foremost from within, as we continue to see Jesus shine through your life; may your wisdom come from close fellowship with the Holy Spirit and by a thorough knowledge of His word.

May God grant you success and prosperity in all that your hands find to do.

May God bless you, Abigail Susan Pitts!

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That's it! BTW, if you want to see some pictures of the event, click on the TITLE of this POST and you will be taken to a Snapfish page with some pictures by a good friend, Nelda Coats. (You will have to register as a Snapfish user, just as you do on many other sites.)

Thanks, and God bless!

The Wedding Ceremony

I had the privilege not only of performing the wedding ceremony for my daughter Hannah and her husband Rick, I also had the opportunity to conduct the premarital counseling. While I require that for every wedding I perform—and most people want it—I wasn’t sure whether we should have a substitute in the case of my daughter. Fortunately, both she and Rick were fine with me (and mom, too, on some sessions) helping with this important preparation. We finished a few months before the date—I always schedule premarital counseling about six months out to give time to handle any big issues that might arise—and the last couple of weeks we met again to concentrate on the wedding ceremony rather than the marriage itself.

I have always liked to personalize wedding ceremonies as much as possible. I have written over the years three distinct ceremonies that I use on different occasions; each can be further personalized to the individual couple, their desires, and the circumstances. While I have written the section I might refer to as “The Meaning of Marriage,” the actual vows are usually adapted from a couple of minister’s manuals I have (one by Adredge, the other by Segler).

Several people have commented on the recent ceremony for Rick and Hannah, so I wanted to share it with anyone who is interested…

(The beginning announcement through the invocation was done by my good friend—and Hannah’s pastor her first year at Tech until we relocated to Atlanta—Tim Wolfe. He officiated at the beginning so that I could escort Hannah down the aisle and present her to Rick. Thanks, Tim!)

Dear Family and Friends,

We are gathered on this joyous occasion in the sight of our Heavenly Father to both witness and celebrate the joining in marriage of

Richard Douglas Rogers and Hannah Eve Pitts

Who gives this bride to be married?

INVOCATION

The Bible says this:

“Let marriage be held in honor by all,” and that’s the way it should be, for marriage was the first institution set up by God in the very beginning.

Rick and Hannah, if we could find one word to capture the essence of marriage, perhaps that word would be promise. In at least two senses, promise describes what we are about today.

First, marriage brings promise for the future. You stand here as a couple before your family and friends with great hopes for the future, and that future for you is full of promise. For instance, there is the . . .

Promise of goodness and joy

Rick, the Scripture says, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown” and “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Perhaps I am biased, but I think I speak the truth when I say in regard to Hannah, you have found a good thing indeed. Likewise, Hannah, the Scripture says that a godly husband will be considerate of you and treat you always with respect. It also says that when a man takes a wife, he is to “bring happiness to the wife he has married.”You can expect that from Rick. There is a promise of goodness and joy for both of you in this marriage.

There is also the . . .

Promise of unity and intimacy

After the creation of the world in all its beauty, “God saw that it was good.” After the creation of man, however, our Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” And so God made the woman to complete the man and declared that it was very good. God’s first solution to the problem of loneliness is marriage. He said, “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Life is an adventure that is to be shared. There can be no closer unity and intimacy than within the marriage relationship that God created.

Yes, this is a day of promise for you both. Promise for the future. But there is a second way the word promise describes this day. If you are to achieve the promise for the future that you hope and dream for, it will be in large measure because you keep the promises of today.

Today is the day for making solemn promises to yourselves, to one another, and to God, and those promises must be kept for your marriage to meet its promise. What promises must be made and kept?

There is the promise to love.

Interestingly, Rick, although we know that both of you should love one another, more than once the Bible commands love in marriage, and each time it is specifically the husband who is commanded to love his wife. But both of you make the promise today to love. And what is love? 1 Corinthians 13 says it best:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

There is the promise of commitment.

To fulfill the promise of unity, God said a man must “leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.” To leave father and mother signifies that the marriage relationship is intended to be the primary and most fulfilling of all human relationships. To cleave signifies that marriage is the permanent binding of two lives as they face the challenges of life together. Jesus said, “They are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” In a moment, you will make a promise to yourself, to one another, and to God in the presence of family and friends, and the promise is that you will love and honor each other as long as you both have life. It is a good promise. It is a solemn promise. Marriage has wonderful promise, but it is not without difficulty. It is the promise of commitment that keeps you looking for solutions within the marriage when troubles arise, solutions that surely God will help you find.

There is also the promise to follow God’s way.

Both of you have voiced a commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. And as you grow toward Him, you will be drawn even closer to each other. For your marriage to fulfill its promise, each of you must promise to walk in His ways. To stay in close fellowship with Christ, to gain strength from His body, the church, and to minister together in the name of Lord, all these will serve to strengthen the marriage upon which you embark today.

Yes, marriage is about promise—promise for the future that will be fulfilled as you keep the promises of today. Before you make these promises, or vows, let’s pause to ask the blessing of the Lord.

Pastoral Prayer

VOWS

Hannah and Rick requested a specific passage of Scripture to be read during this ceremony. They believe that couples who live this way toward each other will experience a wonderful marriage. I believe they are right:

Colossians 3 (NIV)

¹² Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. ¹⁸ Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Rick, do you promise to join with Hannah so that together you may serve God and others according to His purposes? Do you promise to commit yourself to meeting her needs: physical, emotional, and spiritual? Do you promise that, whatever the circumstances, you will love, honor, sustain her and be faithful to her, as long as you both shall live? Do you make this promise?

Rick: I do.

Hannah, do you promise to join with Rick so that together you may serve God and others according to His purposes? Do you promise to commit yourself to meeting his needs: physical, emotional, and spiritual? Do you promise that, whatever the circumstances, you will love, honor, sustain him and be faithful to him, as long as you both shall live? Do you make this promise?

Hannah: I do.

RING CEREMONY

Hannah, we have prayed—especially your mother—for God’s provision for this day since you were born.. When you were thirteen, we gave you a promise ring in anticipation of the promises of today. We talked about that ring, and you willingly received it. As part of a family ceremony, we had a responsive reading.

In it, I said to you:

“As you reach this first stage of womanhood, we ask you, Hannah, to pledge yourself to follow God’s plan in your life and especially as you prepare yourself for the possibility of marriage in the years ahead. We give you this ring as a reminder of your pledge to follow God’s plan in all of your relationships in life.”

Your answer to me was:

“I pledge myself, with the help of God, to remain pure in heart, soul, and body as I seek to find God’s will for my life.”

Hannah, we know that you have done your best with God’s help to keep this promise, and we are proud of you.

Hannah, may I have the promise ring?

Rick, I give you this ring as a symbol of the promise and the preparation Hannah has made for this moment. We give it to you with our love as a keepsake of your faith in God and your commitment to walk in His ways. Perhaps one day you too will have a daughter who will make such a promise and wear this ring or one like it.

Now, you brought rings of your own to give to one another symbolizing your love and your promises to each other.

(Holding up a ring to the congregation)

In at least two ways, the ring symbolizes the marriage covenant:

The precious metal from which the ring is made symbolizes the purity of the love you bring to this altar today; and

The ring is a circle and has no end. This symbolizes your unending love for one another and the unending vows you make to one another. The ring each of you will wear will serve as a constant reminder of your promises.

Rick, place the ring on Hannah’s hand and repeat after me:

Hannah, with this ring I thee wed . . . and pledge my life and love to
you . . . in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Hannah, place the ring on Rick’s hand and repeat after me:

Rick, with this ring I thee wed . . . and pledge my life and love to
you . . . in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

LIGHTING OF THE UNITY CANDLE

SONG (sung by Abigail Pitts) “It’s You”

PRONOUNCEMENT AND KISS

Because you have made these promises before God and this assembly, and by the authority placed in me by the laws of this state, I pronounce you to be from this time forward husband and wife, no longer two but one.

Rick, you may kiss your bride.

PRESENTATION OF THE BIBLE

Rick and Hannah, when Cindy and I were married, the pastor presented us with a Bible inscribed on the cover, “Fred and Cindy Pitts.” He wanted us to see our names together for the first time as husband and wife to be on the Word of God. We still use that Bible in our family devotions to this day. Rick and Hannah, here is the Bible I read Scripture from a few moments ago. On the front cover it is inscribed, “Rick and Hannah Rogers.” We also wanted you to see your names together for the first time as husband and wife on the Word of God, as you both have pledged to build your marriage by it.

INTRODUCTION

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my pleasure and privilege to introduce to you today,

Mr. and Mrs. Richard Douglas Rogers

RECESSIONAL (sung by Abigail Pitts) “At Last”

The reception afterward featured ice cream—how fitting for an August wedding, and it was Hannah and Rick’s idea. We thank all those who were able to share the time with us and also those who have prayed and sent gifts and cards and who in every way have made this a special season in our lives! God bless you all—and may God bless Rick and Hannah Rogers as they begin their common life together as husband and wife!