A Tribute to PaJack

Today is the second anniversary of the death of my father-in-law, Jack Conner. The following is the funeral message from his service:

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Funeral Message

Julius Jackson “Jack” Conner

Died, Saturday, October 17, 2009

Service, Monday, October 19, 2009

Charles Dickens wrote a novel called “A Tale of Two Cities.” It begins, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” The book contrasts the cities of London and Paris during the excesses in the early years of the French revolution. As I reflect on the life of my father-in-law, Jack Conner, it could be entitled “A Tale of Two Men.” Yes, two men, but both of them named Jack Conner.

I will not dwell on the first Jack; indeed, I never met him. Suffice it to say that Jack in many ways had a rough and tough upbringing. He was raised in an environment where he often experienced harshness and anger. When he grew up, he wanted to break that cycle and tried hard to do so, and there were many good things about him, but like so many who grow up under harshness and anger, he himself could often be harsh and angry.

He was a good provider and he cared about his family and they had some good times together, but they also had to take the brunt of his anger when it flared. I have never talked with Paul about it, but Cindy says she also was prone to the characteristics of harshness and anger that seemed to come down from generation to generation, and since she and Jack were both stubborn people, they often locked horns and their relationship was poor. When Jack talked about this time in his life, he would say that he went to church but he did not have a real relationship with Jesus Christ.

About 30 years ago, there was a pastor at Log Cabin Baptist Church named Rodney Shamblin who took a personal interest in Jack. He took Jack as part of a group to a Bible Conference in Texas. While there, one message in particular touched Jack’s heart and one verse in particular stuck in his mind forever. In John 15, Jesus said, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go out and bear much fruit.” Jack realized this was true on several levels. Though a church-goer, he had indeed never truly chosen Jesus. And he realized from the movement of the Spirit of God in his heart that God was choosing him now. He realized that he needed to choose God back, giving his life to him, so he could know him and that he could begin to also bear some of the fruit that Jesus had appointed for him. At that same time, the Gaithers released a simple little song that profoundly impacted Jack. The chorus said,

I am loved, I am loved, I can risk loving you,
For the one who knows me best loves me most.
I am loved, you are loved, won’t you please take my hand?
We are free to love each other, we are loved.

That song epitomizes the freedom that Jesus gives us. He knows all about us—and loves us anyway. We can therefore love others, too. Jack was changed from that time. We see the new Jack. From then on, we saw “the best of times.” Again, it was not that there were no good times before. He didn’t become perfect after. But the focus of his life was changed.

One of my favorite Christian authors is C.S. Lewis, and, strangely enough, I get as much out of his series of children’s books, The Chronicles of Narnia, as anything else he has written. And I am reminded about one scene in particular from the book called The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. In it, a boy named Eustace who had been a real pain turns into a dragon, and the great Lion Aslan, who is the picture of Jesus in these books, reaches deep into the dragon skin and restores Eustace to what he should be. Lewis writes these words:

“It would be nice, and fairly near true, to say that ‘from that time forth Eustace was a different boy.’ To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun.”

It was the same with Jack at that juncture about 30 years ago. The cure had begun! There was a new Jack—and it was this new Jack, this changed man, that I met not long after this when I started dating Cindy. A man who was committed to Jesus Christ and desired in his life to “bear much fruit.”

Let me tell you a little bit about the best of Jack. I think that we can define people by their loves. Let me share some of Jack’s loves with you.

First, he loved his country. He spent four years in the Navy that included a tour in Korea. Like so many others, he did his part to defend the freedoms we enjoy. For his first career, he stayed in the military, serving in the 202nd Squadron, Air Force National Guard in Warner Robins for 35 years, achieving the rank of Master Sergeant. He was a patriot in every sense of the word.

Jack loved his church. As he dedicated himself to the Lord, he naturally dedicated himself to the bride of Christ, the church. Both at Log Cabin and later on here at Lawrence Drive, he served as a deacon and took the service of that task seriously. He was not looking for prestige; he was seeking to “bear much fruit.” He was so excited to see what God was doing here. Brad, he loved your heart for the lost, and he was excited to be a part of outreach efforts. He was glad to follow your lead, and he did it with enthusiasm. Jack was a supporter of pastors, and that blesses me, because I love people who support their pastors even when we show ourselves to be most human. He had told us in the past year how he loved being part of a Bible study with young men in a way that allowed him to mentor them.

Jack loved his family. Of course, that started with his wife, Vivian. Tomorrow is their anniversary, and had he lived a few more days they would have celebrated 52 years together. Many of you helped us celebrate their fiftieth a couple of years ago just down the street.

In the hospital room the other night, one of the grandchildren asked Vivian what had attracted her to Jack. She smiled and said, “I loved seeing him in his military uniform. He looked good in his navy whites!” Vivian realizes with gratitude how Jack has provided for her for the past 52 years. In fact, this past Friday morning while he was in the hospital bed and they were speaking frankly about going to hospice, I heard her tell him how thankful she was that she had been taken care of in the past and that she has no worries about the future because he has made sure she would be taken care of after his death. She is grateful for his preparation.

Jack and Vivian have enjoyed many wonderful trips together in the past few years. They have gone to Alaska, Hawaii, a western tour that included the Grand Canyon, Canada, and just a few weeks ago they went on a tour bus to New England.

His love for family also included his children, his grandchildren, his siblings, and his siblings-in-law, if that’s a word.

Paul speaks with fondness of his years growing up when his dad taught him a love for the outdoors. He loved the father-son times they shared gong fishing and camping together. Jack also was a Little League baseball coach. He also kept dogs, and he and Paul would go quail hunting and enjoy other kinds of hunting as well. The memories are so special that, once again, Paul and Jack were recounting them in the last week.

For Cindy and me, we could not have asked for any more support in our marriage and in our family. No one could have been a better grandfather to our children. If you have internet and became friends with our children, you would see all kinds of tributes they have shared about their PaJack.

He took them fishing. He and Vivian took them on special trips. They would often come over to watch them play sports. They have been supported every time they were in a play or any other activity. He would even laugh at their jokes.

Cindy and I have been married for 28 years, and our family has vacationed with PaJack and Memaw at least 25 of those years. We have gone to St. Simons, Panama City, Disney and other places, but most often we have gone to St. Augustine. Jack always pays the lion’s share of those trips. Now, Jack has also always been careful with money, but he has always been kind and generous to his children and grandchildren. Every time we would go out to eat, he would pick up the tab—well, at least until the last few years when Cindy insisted that I quit being a cheapskate. So I have reluctantly pretended to be magnanimous a couple of times, though he was willing to pay and I was willing to let him.

Paul was reminding me last night how special PaJack considered the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas. In his words, “Daddy glowed at Christmas when everyone was together.” And he did. Whether opening presents, just hanging out, or cooking and eating our traditional Prime Rib, Christmas was extra special with PaJack.

Jack was considered a loving, caring brother and brother-in-law, and I could go on and on because I witnessed all of this, but I will not.

Jesus loved his country, his church, and his family, and I think all of these illustrate the greatest love of his life: Jack loved the Lord.

Let me just make a few final observations that I hope will illustrate that.

Sometimes we may get skeptical about faith in Jesus. What I mean is, we sometimes begin to wonder if it really works. We see so many people who say they follow Jesus but we see scant evidence in their lives. But Jack, like so many others here today, is proof of the power of the gospel. It could be seen in his life that “the cure had begun” and that he was a changed man.

About 25 years ago—five years after Jesus chose Jack and Jack chose Jesus back—Cindy and I were living out in Texas and were students at seminary. Cindy wrote her dad a letter at that vantage point from having observed the changes for several years. She had likely forgotten all about it until they were looking through some of his papers yesterday. This letter must have meant a lot to Jack. He had kept it all these years.

Listen to it… [READ Cindy’s letter to Jack] [Note: I do not have the letter, but it was an encouragement and a tribute...]

I said this would be a tale of two men but really the same man. But in this I was mistaken. It is not just the tale of Jack. It is the tale of Jack and Jesus.

Jesus made a great difference in his life. What did that mean for Jack’s life?

It meant that people like you better and respect you more, as illustrated in Cindy’s letter.

It also means you like yourself better. You are more satisfied with who you are, because you are “bearing much fruit.”

And if that was all there was to it, it would be worth it. But there is so much more!

One of my favorite passages of Scripture in life is John 14. Let me read a bit.

Read John 14.1-6

Jesus, the son of a carpenter, has been preparing a place for us for the past 2000 years! And He wants us to be there with him. And Jack is with him now!

Jesus, who never once lied to us, said, “If it were not so, I would have told you.” He loved truth, and if all sinners, or sinners of a certain caliber were ineligible for heaven, he would have told us. If God had decided just to let us sink back into the dust, never to rise again, it would have been okay, but He would have told us. But He said, “I am going to prepare a place for you, so that where I am, there you may also be.”

And God the Father put a resounding affirmation on everything that Jesus said by raising Him from the dead. If Jesus had lied, even once, He would Himself have remained in the grave. God raised Him to give proof positive to all He said and did.

We miss Jack, but we are not grieving like those who don’t know Christ. We really believe that we will see him again. We really believe that heaven is an improvement.

Sometimes I hear people on a birthday, when others are kidding them about how old they are, how they have had yet another birthday, say something like, “I may be old, but it beats the alternative!” I am always puzzled when I hear a Christian say that. My Bible teaches me that heaven is a lot better than anything here on earth. (Rev. 20, 21)

The apostle Paul said it this way: “To live is Christ, and to die is GAIN.”

I saw a cartoon some time ago: A husband and wife in strolling arm in arm in heaven, in awe of the grandeur and beauty of it. The husband turns to his wife and says, “If you hadn’t made all those bran muffins, we could have been here ten years ago!”

Don’t miss the point. Keep making your bran muffins. Be as healthy as you can. Jack certainly worked on his body to make it as healthy as possible. But don’t fear death—at least, not if you believe in Jesus. While we would love for Jack to have been healthy for another 15 years, and while we will miss him and we will cry for him, we affirm a truth that is sometimes hard for the world to understand: Death is not that big a deal for the Christian. It is simply a doorway through which we move from one life to another life.

Let me close by reading from Romans 14:

"If we live, we live to the Lord; if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living" (Romans 14.8-9 NIV).

Jesus is our Lord, and He is ministering to us and comforting us in our sadness at Jack’s absence. But Jesus is also Jack’s Lord, and while He is ministering to us in our grief, He is welcoming Jack to his heavenly home with the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” For he has indeed fulfilled the desire of Jesus to “bear much fruit.”

Let’s pray.