The Wedding Ceremony

I had the privilege not only of performing the wedding ceremony for my daughter Hannah and her husband Rick, I also had the opportunity to conduct the premarital counseling. While I require that for every wedding I perform—and most people want it—I wasn’t sure whether we should have a substitute in the case of my daughter. Fortunately, both she and Rick were fine with me (and mom, too, on some sessions) helping with this important preparation. We finished a few months before the date—I always schedule premarital counseling about six months out to give time to handle any big issues that might arise—and the last couple of weeks we met again to concentrate on the wedding ceremony rather than the marriage itself.

I have always liked to personalize wedding ceremonies as much as possible. I have written over the years three distinct ceremonies that I use on different occasions; each can be further personalized to the individual couple, their desires, and the circumstances. While I have written the section I might refer to as “The Meaning of Marriage,” the actual vows are usually adapted from a couple of minister’s manuals I have (one by Adredge, the other by Segler).

Several people have commented on the recent ceremony for Rick and Hannah, so I wanted to share it with anyone who is interested…

(The beginning announcement through the invocation was done by my good friend—and Hannah’s pastor her first year at Tech until we relocated to Atlanta—Tim Wolfe. He officiated at the beginning so that I could escort Hannah down the aisle and present her to Rick. Thanks, Tim!)

Dear Family and Friends,

We are gathered on this joyous occasion in the sight of our Heavenly Father to both witness and celebrate the joining in marriage of

Richard Douglas Rogers and Hannah Eve Pitts

Who gives this bride to be married?

INVOCATION

The Bible says this:

“Let marriage be held in honor by all,” and that’s the way it should be, for marriage was the first institution set up by God in the very beginning.

Rick and Hannah, if we could find one word to capture the essence of marriage, perhaps that word would be promise. In at least two senses, promise describes what we are about today.

First, marriage brings promise for the future. You stand here as a couple before your family and friends with great hopes for the future, and that future for you is full of promise. For instance, there is the . . .

Promise of goodness and joy

Rick, the Scripture says, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown” and “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” Perhaps I am biased, but I think I speak the truth when I say in regard to Hannah, you have found a good thing indeed. Likewise, Hannah, the Scripture says that a godly husband will be considerate of you and treat you always with respect. It also says that when a man takes a wife, he is to “bring happiness to the wife he has married.”You can expect that from Rick. There is a promise of goodness and joy for both of you in this marriage.

There is also the . . .

Promise of unity and intimacy

After the creation of the world in all its beauty, “God saw that it was good.” After the creation of man, however, our Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” And so God made the woman to complete the man and declared that it was very good. God’s first solution to the problem of loneliness is marriage. He said, “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Life is an adventure that is to be shared. There can be no closer unity and intimacy than within the marriage relationship that God created.

Yes, this is a day of promise for you both. Promise for the future. But there is a second way the word promise describes this day. If you are to achieve the promise for the future that you hope and dream for, it will be in large measure because you keep the promises of today.

Today is the day for making solemn promises to yourselves, to one another, and to God, and those promises must be kept for your marriage to meet its promise. What promises must be made and kept?

There is the promise to love.

Interestingly, Rick, although we know that both of you should love one another, more than once the Bible commands love in marriage, and each time it is specifically the husband who is commanded to love his wife. But both of you make the promise today to love. And what is love? 1 Corinthians 13 says it best:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

There is the promise of commitment.

To fulfill the promise of unity, God said a man must “leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.” To leave father and mother signifies that the marriage relationship is intended to be the primary and most fulfilling of all human relationships. To cleave signifies that marriage is the permanent binding of two lives as they face the challenges of life together. Jesus said, “They are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” In a moment, you will make a promise to yourself, to one another, and to God in the presence of family and friends, and the promise is that you will love and honor each other as long as you both have life. It is a good promise. It is a solemn promise. Marriage has wonderful promise, but it is not without difficulty. It is the promise of commitment that keeps you looking for solutions within the marriage when troubles arise, solutions that surely God will help you find.

There is also the promise to follow God’s way.

Both of you have voiced a commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ. And as you grow toward Him, you will be drawn even closer to each other. For your marriage to fulfill its promise, each of you must promise to walk in His ways. To stay in close fellowship with Christ, to gain strength from His body, the church, and to minister together in the name of Lord, all these will serve to strengthen the marriage upon which you embark today.

Yes, marriage is about promise—promise for the future that will be fulfilled as you keep the promises of today. Before you make these promises, or vows, let’s pause to ask the blessing of the Lord.

Pastoral Prayer

VOWS

Hannah and Rick requested a specific passage of Scripture to be read during this ceremony. They believe that couples who live this way toward each other will experience a wonderful marriage. I believe they are right:

Colossians 3 (NIV)

¹² Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. ¹⁸ Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. ¹⁹ Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Rick, do you promise to join with Hannah so that together you may serve God and others according to His purposes? Do you promise to commit yourself to meeting her needs: physical, emotional, and spiritual? Do you promise that, whatever the circumstances, you will love, honor, sustain her and be faithful to her, as long as you both shall live? Do you make this promise?

Rick: I do.

Hannah, do you promise to join with Rick so that together you may serve God and others according to His purposes? Do you promise to commit yourself to meeting his needs: physical, emotional, and spiritual? Do you promise that, whatever the circumstances, you will love, honor, sustain him and be faithful to him, as long as you both shall live? Do you make this promise?

Hannah: I do.

RING CEREMONY

Hannah, we have prayed—especially your mother—for God’s provision for this day since you were born.. When you were thirteen, we gave you a promise ring in anticipation of the promises of today. We talked about that ring, and you willingly received it. As part of a family ceremony, we had a responsive reading.

In it, I said to you:

“As you reach this first stage of womanhood, we ask you, Hannah, to pledge yourself to follow God’s plan in your life and especially as you prepare yourself for the possibility of marriage in the years ahead. We give you this ring as a reminder of your pledge to follow God’s plan in all of your relationships in life.”

Your answer to me was:

“I pledge myself, with the help of God, to remain pure in heart, soul, and body as I seek to find God’s will for my life.”

Hannah, we know that you have done your best with God’s help to keep this promise, and we are proud of you.

Hannah, may I have the promise ring?

Rick, I give you this ring as a symbol of the promise and the preparation Hannah has made for this moment. We give it to you with our love as a keepsake of your faith in God and your commitment to walk in His ways. Perhaps one day you too will have a daughter who will make such a promise and wear this ring or one like it.

Now, you brought rings of your own to give to one another symbolizing your love and your promises to each other.

(Holding up a ring to the congregation)

In at least two ways, the ring symbolizes the marriage covenant:

The precious metal from which the ring is made symbolizes the purity of the love you bring to this altar today; and

The ring is a circle and has no end. This symbolizes your unending love for one another and the unending vows you make to one another. The ring each of you will wear will serve as a constant reminder of your promises.

Rick, place the ring on Hannah’s hand and repeat after me:

Hannah, with this ring I thee wed . . . and pledge my life and love to
you . . . in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Hannah, place the ring on Rick’s hand and repeat after me:

Rick, with this ring I thee wed . . . and pledge my life and love to
you . . . in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

LIGHTING OF THE UNITY CANDLE

SONG (sung by Abigail Pitts) “It’s You”

PRONOUNCEMENT AND KISS

Because you have made these promises before God and this assembly, and by the authority placed in me by the laws of this state, I pronounce you to be from this time forward husband and wife, no longer two but one.

Rick, you may kiss your bride.

PRESENTATION OF THE BIBLE

Rick and Hannah, when Cindy and I were married, the pastor presented us with a Bible inscribed on the cover, “Fred and Cindy Pitts.” He wanted us to see our names together for the first time as husband and wife to be on the Word of God. We still use that Bible in our family devotions to this day. Rick and Hannah, here is the Bible I read Scripture from a few moments ago. On the front cover it is inscribed, “Rick and Hannah Rogers.” We also wanted you to see your names together for the first time as husband and wife on the Word of God, as you both have pledged to build your marriage by it.

INTRODUCTION

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my pleasure and privilege to introduce to you today,

Mr. and Mrs. Richard Douglas Rogers

RECESSIONAL (sung by Abigail Pitts) “At Last”

The reception afterward featured ice cream—how fitting for an August wedding, and it was Hannah and Rick’s idea. We thank all those who were able to share the time with us and also those who have prayed and sent gifts and cards and who in every way have made this a special season in our lives! God bless you all—and may God bless Rick and Hannah Rogers as they begin their common life together as husband and wife!