The Da Vinci Coda

Let's move forward two thousand years and suppose a descendant of Dan Brown wrote a novel using the same careful scholarship as Brown used in The Da Vinci Code...

An excerpt:

Elvis was virtually unrecognizable. Of course, the natural aging of his body, combined with the presumption of his death almost three decades before, not to mention his trip through the galaxy on the tail of the Hale-Bopp comet near the end of the millennium, made it so that even those who knew him best during his prime would have scarcely seen a flicker of resemblance. "He would have made a good Elvis impersonator a few years ago," an acquaintance might have said to himself with a chuckle.

Why had Elvis felt the need to fake his own death? It was the church, of course. Even though Elvis had recorded many deeply spiritual songs and had an intense interest in Christian themes, particularly the apocalyptic, there were those in the church who were jealous of his popularity. That much is well documented. What is less known but even better documented--over eighty hidden gospels attest to it--Elvis' middle name was Aron, which he wanted to change to Aaron as an indicator that he was a rightful priest, descended from ancient Jews. His plans were to use his wealth to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem and reestablish the sacrifice system, going so far as to supplement the Psalms with his own rock and roll hits.

The powers in the Orthodox Church, together with Orthodox Jews, were outraged by what he considered a new orthodoxy that would finally unite Jew and Christian. For a short time, Elvis felt that he had enough power to take on these groups opposing him. He offered to perform free benefit concerts, which satiated them for a while. All the time, however, they were looking for opportunities to wipe out Elvis--and those like him.

John Lennon had also fallen into the crosshairs of the church. He had made the remark that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ. His song, "Imagine," was the last straw, encouraging people to forget about any kind of religion. Religion, however, would not forget about John Lennon. Supposedly murdered by a deranged madman called Son of Sam, it was actually the church that brought about the demise of Lennon. In the coda to "Imagine," Lennon put in the hint, "I'm not the only one." This was a predictive allusion to the fact that Son of Sam had not acted alone. In fact, it was a setup--as clear a setup as that of Lee Harvey Oswald by those on the grassy knoll who assasinated JFK in 1953, to which history so clearly attests that no further mention of the details is necessary.

Besides the hint in the song, there was another overlooked code in the murder of Lennon--actually a double code. First, the name Sam. Clearly, when reversed it becomes mas. Taking the first s from son makes it Mass! Could an indictment of the church and her coverup be more clear? The second code: the letters of son and sam were an anagram--they can be rearranged to spell masons. Another clear code: now we see that the Masons were involved as well! Even though the Church and the Masons had worked at odds throughout many centuries in the quest for the Holy Grail (as clearly documented in the factual historical novel, The Da Vinci Code, that has been recently discovered after being hidden at Graceland for hundreds of years), such threats as John Lennon and Elvis Presley made them unite!

When Elvis saw what had happened to Lennon, he knew that it was just a matter of time before he would be the target. And, indeed, the church began a brilliant campaign to discredit him. They began to spread the word that the favorite food of Presley was peanut butter with banana. When Presley acknowledged as much, the trap that had been so carefully set was sprung. With their best scholars, the church demonstrated clearly that the words peanut, butter, and banana were really a code! How so?

Each has six letters! The code was laid bare before the world: six, six, six, or 666—the number of the beast as found in the Revelation 13.18! When this information was revealed, Elvis lost heart. Indeed, he began intensive Bible study to see if it could be true that he really was the beast! (Why had he always had such an interest in the apocalyptic literature of the Bible, most notably the book of Revelation?) He entered therapy as he tried to sort it all out. But the church was relentless!

Finally, Elvis decided to fake his own death. With a flair for irony, Elvis made sure it was reported that he had eaten a peanut butter and banana sandwich just before his death. This, of course, was a code to some of his followers.

Elvis was not as careful as he should have been, and it is well documented that he was spotted on many occasions over the ensuing years. In fact, he took advantage of the confusion to play a small cameo role in the opening episode of the highly popular television series, Eerie, Indiana, in 1991.

After that, however, his handlers made sure he was not seen in public again until after he was taken up, along with the Heaven’s Gate group, into the space ship trailing the Hale-Bopp comet in 1997. Elvis knew this was the true religion when he found that Marshall Applewhite, the visionary leader, had taken the name “Do” with his co-leader known as “Re.” Such musical notation gave rise to the hope that Elvis could be “Mi,” or at least, as he told some of his secret disciples, he could do it “my way.”

In the end, Elvis was deemed not yet ready to take the next step in human evolution, and he was returned to earth in fall 2000, under the cover of disarray set up by his followers in the U.S. presidential election that year. While the world laughed and George W. Bush was installed as president—even though multiple studies by major newspapers and political action groups showed that Al Gore has received a staggering 87.9% of the popular vote throughout the country—Elvis slipped unnoticed back to Graceland, where he began to serve as a tour guide—virtually unrecognizable. When his groups bowed to the image of the King—unknowingly they were worshipping the living Elvis, and he himself quietly sang the coda to his most famous song--Devil in Disguise.

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For those who have been upset about The Da Vinci Code, perhaps you will agree with me to highlight Shakespeare instead. After reading the book and watching the movie, in my eyes it is definitely “Much Ado About Nothing”!